07 December 2017 Posted By : Administrator

Online dating revolutionizing hook-ups

The online dating sphere has completely revolutionized the way romance stories are made. Tinder alongside numerous dating sites and apps are bringing couples closer and closer―basically just a swipe away. Yet, most users seem afraid to admit that they met on the internet.

According to numerous online dating profiles, many are “willing to lie about how we met,” thanks to the beliefs swinging around online dating in regards to its safety, authenticity, and maybe just being a bland hook-up strategy. As Vanity Fair also put, “it is the dawn of the dating apocalypse”.

Film critic Roger Ebert described the meet-cute plot device as “when boy meets girl in a cute way”―and has a powerful effect for a number of reasons that are deeply rooted into the human consciousness. A survey of 267 adults between the ages of 20-85, conducted in 2010, revealed that memories which appeared more vivid, riddled with positivity and intense emotions, were closely associated to higher marital satisfaction. This is a more reason why there’s pressure on couples to tell a fantastic hook-up story.

Sarah Sullivan, 25, was an employee at the McMaster University bookstore as an undergraduate, and met Sean Watson, an engineering student who kept visiting frequently till he summoned courage to chat, and eventually ask her out.

This was the story she told everyone. In truth, Sullivan and her current partner of over three years actually met on OKCupid. They created the somewhat “ridiculous story” to make their hook-up story similarly beautiful in comparison to that of their family members and friends.

“We felt that our story is not remotely romantic,” said Sullivan who was the first in her clique to try out online dating.

“The reason I’m changing my tune now is that online dating is more common than it used to be,” she said. “I found what I wanted in a person, and I don’t think I would have found that, as quickly, in the old-fashioned way.”

Despite beginning their relationship on a white lie, Sullivan and Watson concocted their hook-up story together―an action that usually results in stronger bonds.

“Couples doing well will remember their history a lot more fondly and will be more positive about it. They remember negatives about the relationship but they glorify the struggle,” said Lawrence Stoyanowski, a Vancouver-based couple’s therapist and Master Certified Gottman Trainer at the Gottman Institute in Seattle, Wash.

“How a couple met is less important than whether there was positivity and negativity surrounding how they met.” He continued.

In 1992, a study published in the Journal of Family relationships inquired from a total of 52 married couples an oral history of their relationship. This included how they met, how they courted and their philosophy of marriage. Three years later, they were tracked down.

The researchers were able to predict the probability of divorce and marital satisfaction, within those three years, with 94% accuracy from just their oral histories.

Katherine Panattoni, a PhD candidate in psychology at Aarhus University in Denmark, remarked that relationships are now a part of a certain cultural master tale, were beautiful narratives such as love at first sight, the hero rescuing the damsel in distress are mostly the order of the day.

“There are master narratives of what relationship stories are supposed to look like. We’ve all seen romantic comedies. There’s supposed to be some meet-cute thing,” Panattoni said.

These conceptions have become quite commonplace―depicted in moves and other numerous avenues. That's why some people would rather settle for one night stands with British sex contacts to avoid the fiasco. “If your relationship is not a beautiful romantic comedy (plot), it’s going to take more work to turn it into a coherent story that makes sense to others and has a positive ending.” Panattoni continued.

Chandra Sullivan, 24, when asked the perpetual question, “How did you two meet?” her response was always just “Tinder”. On the other hand, Errol Gonzales, her boyfriend, always got quite anxious and uncomfortable.

“At the beginning, he’d shut down and avoid the question,” Chandra said. “He was a little more anxious about talking about it candidly.”

Gonzales, 26, joined Tinder just for fun, and eventually met Chandra in person at Toronto café Snakes & Lattes, and they’ve been dating since then. His father though, still holds the belief that the couple met in a bar. Now, as the online dating users continue to rise―even amongst his family and friends, Gonzales now feels more comfortable telling the true hook-up story.

“It’s definitely a lot easier talking about it now than it was a year ago,” he said. “I think I was somewhat, a little, embarrassed about how we met.”

Chandra, a social work student at Ryerson University, holds the opinion that the meet-cute is a rather superficial concept.

“Being concerned about the manner in which you met is superficial compared to the substance of the relationship itself,” she said. “If you’re romantic the rest of the time, it trumps the story. At the end of the day, who cares? As long as it’s a happy relationship.”

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